Hi everyone (:

I moved back to Israel a few yrs ago,

and just saw this blog is still alive.

If you want to contact me - pls feel free:

michal@michalron.co.il

All the best,

Michal (:

Check My New Blog

Hello dear friends,
I changed my blog to a new one, and there I will publish onwards.
Please visit me there as well,

http://psychological-bodywork.blogspot.com/

Michal.

'Problems'

‘PROBLEMS’ / Michal Ron*

Much too often in our lives we face 'Problems'.

Actually, since we are very young we face such 'Problems'.

Untill the day we die, so it seems, at least, we are going to go on facing 'Problems'.

Seems like 'Problems' will always be part of our life.

But most of us don't enjoy 'Problems', which takes out the pleasure from our life.

What to do, then?

My solution is not very new, but maybe you will be meeting it for the first time.

Most of us, we believe 'problems' to be real, to be real 'problems'.

Yet, we could also think about them in another way:

· 'Problems' could also be seen as signals saying that we are doing the wrong direction;

· 'Problems' could also be seen as a great chance to change something;

· 'Problems' could also be seen as an opening to a new, different, better form of experiencing our lives, so that they become more happy and meaningful.

Thus, 'Problems' could be seen as a new, beautiful, challenging, most developing lessons waiting for us to be learned, in order to enrich our life and make us more fulfilled and happy.

Sorry for the optimism.

I know well, from first hand actually, that when we face those 'Problems' all we want to do is run and hide, all we want is for these ‘Problems’ to be through with.

Yet, I do believe, and I do practice in my life the attempt of solving 'Problems' in such a way.

Sometimes it takes time.

Sometimes I fail.

It is always hard work.

Mostly it is frightening, and even painful.

And mostly you need a good instructor going or growing through that way.

Yet, my experience has taught me that it was always, always, worth it.

(And that's why I allow myself to be optimistic.)

GOOD LUCK!!!

* Michal Ron has earned her degrees in psychology and Biblical Studies from Tel Aviv University, Israel. For the last 7 years Michal has been working as a certified practitioner of the Grinberg method, aimed at enabling us to create positive changes in our lives, and thus to create a higher degree of well being. She is mosly working with people who want to grow, to understand their lives, and enjoy it.

Since March 2005, a resident of San Francisco, CA, Michal has been guiding a meditation group on Tuesday evenings, and a dream interpretation group on Wednesday evenings.

3 Short Articles about Over Weight / Michal Ron

3 SHORT ARTICLES ABOUT OVER WEIGHT

MICHAL RON*

First Paper:

Beautiful, Smart Bodies

An effective over weight control has only very little to do with how much we eat or exercise. Yes, we can loose some weight for a shorter or longer period by starving ourselves and/or tiring our bodies. Yet all those effort-demanding and happiness-consuming forms or self-mortification are on the whole ineffective, as we bounce back to the weight we were in before, or higher. I think it is about time to acknowledge that.

Some experts say that the only way to reach long-lasting results (i.e. stable low weight) is to change our eating and sporting habits. I agree that we need to change, I just think, as I wrote above, most of it has nothing to do with eating or exercises. What we need to change is the way we think about our bodies, the way we see them, and the way we treat them.

In the modern Western world we love controlling things.

We hardly ever listen. We think that we already know, or that someone else knows, and we take that to be true. It hardly ever occurs to us that if there are so many opinions then whether nobody knows or that they are all right.

For example: sometimes I feel like eating chocolate at 22:00. Yes! I immediately 'know' that I'm 'not suppose' to eat chocolate – that 'I don't need it', and also – that eating late at night 'is not good for me'. We hardly ever respect it when our body says: 'I want chocolate now!' (Not to mention negotiating with our body or interacting with it). We hardly ever bother to think that maybe there is no ‘Truth’ about what we should eat and when. Or better – that these general truths that generally apply to most people in most times might be irrelevant for me, here and now. We'd rather not think, not pay attention, not listen to the body. We prefer to 'know', thinking we are smarter than our body.

We prefer to 'know' rather than listening. Just like some parents would not listen to their children, but would rather read professional books about how to raise them, so do we often believe our mind (our brains, our rationality, our science) more than we believe our bodies. And that might not always be such a good idea… Which reminds me a saying I like, saying that the mind is the best of servants, but is the worst of masters…

I would like to suggest some acknowledge our bodies: their wisdom, their love to us, their skills and abilities, their wonderful beauty. YES! Bodies, as they are, in any form, shape, color, gender, in any way they are, were, or will be, are beautiful!!! Very, very beautiful! It really is so!

No machine, ever, manages to perform as well in what our bodies almost effortlessly do every second and minute in our years-long existence. Whether it is liver functioning, wound healing, getting over a flu, or other such wonders that every body would do numerous times during most life time - no mind and no machine can yet do or create such miracles!

It's about time we start acknowledging that! It is about time for us to marvel at our bodies, that exist and survive in spite of the way we treat them, and not because of the way we treat them.

Having said that, maybe it is also about time we start looking at our over-weight from a new angle.

If our bodies are clever and know what they're doing, then maybe our over-weight (which we want to loose as the mind says we should) is something functional and positive, that our bodies do in order to help us.

For example – a lot of weight can be gained by people as a wall-like defense mechanism – against hatred (external or internal). At other times the body might accumulate more and more weight hoping that the person will notice it – just like children might become noisy in order to get our attention. Just by paying loving attention to your body for a few minutes a day you could loose weight in no time, not having to give up food or starting to exercise. (As a few of my clients could testify…)

If we choose to start believing our bodies to be smart, to be knowing what they are doing, maybe then it is also about time we start co-operating with them instead of fighting them? Maybe it would be better if we stop starving them or forcing them into excess, unpleasant efforts?

The best option would be to check with our body what is the function of our over-weight, what purpose does it serve, and solve that issue in better ways.

For example: in a conversation with one of my clients, in the course of trying to loose weight, we found out that food was for her a whip, a mean of self punishing, self torture, and self hatred. Starving herself was self punishing, but also eating too much, until she was feeling bad, was an expression of self hatred.

We didn't do any changes in her diet, nor did we try to exercise. We were just touching the belly during the session, and crying for the years of self hatred. She learned to feel how pleasant it could be to feel her belly.

Instead of physical exercise, she started to bless her food before eating, and to say: 'I am willing to love myself and my body. I am eating this food in order to be healthy, in order to be happy, as an expression of love to myself and to my body."

And lo! Only two months after we started, two months in which she was practicing how to give up self-hatred, two months which were a journey of love, enjoyment, and self-revelation, that women wore cloths she couldn't get into for the last three years, and again – all that without any change in diet or sport.

Second Paper:

Why Self Torture Doesn’t Help Us Loose Weight

This paper is a continuation of another paper of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies'. In that paper I referred to the wisdom of bodies and suggested the idea that the accumulation of over-weight by the body might be something of function, something positive that our bodies do.

Let us suppose, for example, that the function of over-weight in some cases could be self-defense - defending us against being approached by others, or against having to deal with sexuality, that arose due to fear of being rejected, fear of criticism, and the like.

The body experiences what we call 'over-weight' as an armor – a shield around our bodies. If we are afraid, an armor is a good thing to have; a shield could make us feel better. Over-weight makes us 'bigger', and therefore more frightening and supposedly less frightened.

Therefore, for some of us, when the situation we are in or the people that surround us appear to be dangerous or frightening, either physically or emotionally, our body or our subconscious might choose to accumulate over-weight as a shield or defense.

Thus, for example: many of us had critical parents, or had to face criticism outside our home. Our over weight might be the subconscious defense mechanism we chose, in order to protect us from criticism. Supposedly, with the proper armor, those poisonous arrows won't go that deep.

Likewise: Most of us are afraid of our own sexuality, of being approached by others or approaching other ourselves. A heavy armor might be very useful in such cases. It keeps people further away from us (in the most physical, literal way). Some might even never approach us, as they don't find us attractive enough, and thus we've avoided further fear and problems. In the case of approaching someone else, taking the risk of rejection, it is like in the above-mention example concerning criticism – supposedly the armor would keep the pain away.

Self torturing (i.e., starvation and excessive physical exercises) doesn't help us loosing weight as it only increases our anxiety. (Unlike eating or exercising with pleasure, and doing things we enjoy doing.) It makes us fear we might loose any love and esteem we feel towards ourselves, or that there is something wrong about us.

No two bodies are alike, and there is no one way all bodies ‘should be’. If we look around us we see that this is usually the truth. Only the Western, scientific mind could ignore this wonderful and beautiful variety, and would try to fit each and every-body to a certain measurable Sodom-bed.

This major attack we are leading against ourselves – telling ourselves that we are not Okay, that are too fat, that we don't look good, that we shouldn't eat, etc. just puts our bodies in a state of war - of one against oneself. Some parts of our selves are in war with other parts of our selves - ‘what should be’ against what exist, the mind against the body.

The subconscious is afraid when being attacked by the conscious mind, that wants the body to look in a certain socially-constructed way, rather than allowing the body to look like it does.

As long as our consciousness and subconscious are in war, and our body being the battle field, loosing weight will always be difficult and torturous issue. The more our conscious mind will attack the body, the more we would tend to thicken the armor and gain more weight.

The only way out of such a state is to change our ways.

Just like with kids, just like with all sentient being – the better way is always the good way.

If we want to loose weight we have first of all to stop fighting and start meeting ourselves in terms of mutual respect. We have to acknowledge the gains we receive from having over weight, and then check out whether we are willing to give those up – to give up the defense against sexuality, to give up the shield against fear, etc.

It is not at all necessary that we do so – otherwise it is not at all negotiation between our body and our subconscious mind, but another attempt of self-blackmailing and self-terrorizing.

Very often we will find out that we never acknowledged before our subconscious, and the way it was taking care of us. It would sometimes take a long, patient negotiating process until we agree to loose weight not in order to look better in the eyes of others, but in order to be good to ourselves.

Only when our conscious mind will be willing to give up control, and our subconscious will be willing to give security; only when there is peace, harmony and agreement between the two, will we be able to encourage, support, and help ourselves to the goal of being healthier and happier.

Still if there is no happiness, if we are not enjoying ourselves, if the journey is not pleasant, it means that we have not been true to ourselves, that we are still mortifying ourselves, that we are still in war with ourselves, and therefore not on the right way, not on the only way to bring real, long-lasting results. As only in a state of peace with ourselves, would we be willing to lay down this armor of over weight.

3rd paper:

Over Weight as a Chance for Self Growth

This paper is a continuation of two other articles of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies', and 'Why self torture doesn't help us loose weight'.

In those I suggested that bodies are smart when they accumulate over-weight; that they do so for different reasons, and that therefore the simple, old fashioned way of trying to treat this symptom by not eating and/or exercising usually proves not to work for the long run.

If we want to loose weight, we need not only to find out what is the function of our over-weight, but also to fulfill this function in another, more positive, way.

Generally, it has to do with the way we solve 'Problems'.

We could believe 'problems' to be ‘real’.

Yet, we could also think about them in ways:

· 'Problems' could be seen as signals saying that we're doing something wrong;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a great chance to change something;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a gate to a new, different, better form of experiencing our lives, in a more happy, meaningful way.

Looked upon from such point of view, over-weight could also be seen as a ‘problem’ – a beautiful starting point to a journey of self-growth.

If we choose to see over-weight in such a way, we could start by asking ourselves a few questions. For example:

· What is the 'Problem' I want to grow out of? (And it isn't over-weight!) Is it fear? Is it loneliness? Why do I over-eat?

· What do I need to change? (And again, it has nothing to do with eating or exercising.) Should I break up a relationships? Am I to assert myself?

· In what direction do I need to grow? Think of your live in the most general, broad way – Is it time to get married? To start a new career? Else?

What we call today 'over-weight' could become our most wonderful turning point in life and our most trust-worthy guide.

3 Case Studies - Singles Getting Married / Michal Ron

THE WAY TO PARTNERSHIP

Have you ever considered the possibility you were actually creating that?

Would you like to change that?

I am a practitioner of the Grinberg method, according to which we create each and every single state in our life. Those might be physical, emotional, or behavioral states, for example: insomnia, back aches, smoking, depression, stress, or any other state, even being single.

The process of change in the Grinberg Method begins with a foot-analysis, in which we examine the subjects in life that we would like to work upon.

In the course of the sessions that come afterwards we concentrate on different forms of body work, like interactive massage, exercises, and play.

After many years of practicing different techniques and methods, I came to the conclusion that this is the best, most fast, efficient, fun and cheap way for us to sort things out in our life.

(For further information about the Grinberg method, please read my article in this blog.

This paper presents two stories of ex-clients of mine, on their way to a good and happy relationship. Those people are described in the most general and un-identifiable way in order to protect their privacy.

First Case Study

A very beautiful and successful woman came to me. She was well in her thirties, yet never had a relationship before. She was well-courted and had many suitors, with whom she used to date, and occasionally to have sexual relationship with, yet as I stated above, none of these relationship ever grew to become a couple-hood.

In our joint work together we did not specifically work on this issue, but rather concentrated on her ability to be more assertive at work.

It took us two months to solve this issue, and then a crises broke up in her relationship with her parents. The solution to those problems enabled her to start a whole new relationship with her parents, based on her autonomy, independence and strength, without losing even a bit (and in fact – winning a lot more) of love, affection and warmth in the excellent relationships she was having with her parents.

A very short while after the main professional, financial and family issues of her life were solved she met by chance a very nice guy. A few months later they moved to live together, and nowadays they are raising their child.

The friend who referred her to me said she's never in her life seen a more beautiful and loving relationship.

I bring this case in order to show how very deep and long lasting changes in our love life can be arrived at even while working on other issues in our life.

The way I see it today, that woman did not create any long lasting relationship with any man because she was not sure of her own strength and assertiveness in relationships. Only after securing and practicing her strength and assertiveness in both career and family situations did she feel confident enough to get involved in a close, intimate, long lasting relationship with a man.

Second Case Study

That man was quite a good looking, intelligent, and successful young person, and I was wondering how come he managed to stay single for so long.

It didn't seem to bother him, though, and he said he didn't really like to get into any committing relationship.

He did, though, feel he was quite shallow emotionally-wise, and we chose to try and add some more feelings and depth to his life.

In the beginning he was talking a lot. It took us a while to start doing and experiencing some real body work, instead of indulging in vain intellectual discussions.

Then came an experience which uncovered emotions that surprised him quite a lot. He was overwhelmed by waves of rage and anger he has never experienced before, which he never knew existed in him, and which he never knew he could contain.

It took us a few more months of mutual work to put all the pieces together and see how much anger he felt towards his mother due to her over protectiveness. All the energy and action he was not allowed to exert in his youth have accumulated in him in the form of anger he was not even aware of, and never felt before.

Any new relationship with a woman would have actually meant for him experiencing again these restrictions on his freedom and the anger which was still there, waiting to be resolved since his early childhood.

As far as he was (unconsciously) concerned, he would rather not have any such a relationship, as they would force him to experience those feelings.

In a most unconscious way he preferred to give up any awareness to his feelings and to experience an emotional shallowness or over-intellectualism, while in fact he was trying to hide away these emotions which he was not willing to experience or acknowledge.

In the process of work we managed to reach deeper and deeper levels of anger and rage, and to unload him from that burden.

In one of the sessions he even learned how to say 'no!' – which he hardly ever did until that session.

Gradually he started experiencing more and more feelings in his life.

I have no 'happy end' yet to this story as I moved to San Francisco and he continued with another practitioner of the Grinberg method, yet I think that man can serve as a good example of how sometimes we choose the option of single-hood due to reasons that we are not wholly conscious of, like well hidden emotions that we are afraid to face. Revealing those emotions and solving the history that caused us to store them in our subconsciousness will enable us to form new, close and loving relationships.

Third Case Study
I met that woman in one of the workshops in which I have participated. She kept saying how much she wanted a relationship, and how determined she was to have one soon.

For some reason it was very clear to me that she hasn't got a chance in a million to get there, yet I didn't know why.

She was at her late thirties, she approached many men, was dating very often, but would never make it to the second date.

I had to nag her quite a lot, as I was curious, and finally she came to a feet analysis. (In the Grinberg method by feet analysis one can examine any repeating pattern in life, and track its source in ones personal history.)

In the feet analysis it became very clear that she was constantly and only active – not only generally in her life, but also with men.

She decided to start coming for a process, and we started meeting once a week.

It took me a lot of effort to convince her to stop courting men. I do not opposing courting in general, of course, I only wanted her to try and stop that repetitive, automatic behavior, which was the only option she knew, as I thought she has much go gain from trying something new.

After a while she agreed not to court any man for two whole weeks! In those two weeks she was approached by three different men. It was also the first time in her life that she received flowers from a man…

Another issue was her mother. Supposedly, they were very close. She would tell her mom about all the men in her life, and her mom would encourage her to go on approaching men and doing her best. Her mom was actually putting much stress on her, in order to help her get married.

She told me she would not have minded to live her life on her own, if it wasn't for her mom who kept nagging her.

Actually, that mother kept her stressed all the time, and that stress, which was well shown in her feet and in her behavior was part of the reasons that caused her never to make it to the second date.

Once her mother fought with her dad, and as a part of the power-struggle between the two parents, the mother took my client out to the theater. (Instead of going there with her father.)

I mentioned to her how convenient it was surely for her mom to have a single daughter who is so much on her side, and how maybe – consciously or unconsciously – her mother was practically doing her best to keep that daughter single (by keeping her well stressed to get married).

That point wasn't so easy for my client to digest, yet after she realized what I was saying she started to keep her private life separate from her mom, and would no more share with her any information about the subject. Her mother then had no option but to raise the subject here and there, and not having a partner for discussion and stress, would drop off the subject.

In a very short time most of the stress that was attached to finding a spouse miraculously disappeared.

A further step of stress-reduction happened at the end of one of the sessions, when my client arose after the 10 minutes rest and said: "I realized that I'm causing myself a lot of stress for no apparent reason. Sooner or later I am going to get married, and it doesn't really matter when this is going to happen. And as for the child I want – well, I don't need to get married in order to have a child."

It took us a few months to get to that point, when she actually fully emotionally realized that she really has the option to live the life she wanted – having both love and children, whereas before this option was theoretical only, and she never felt she really had this option.

At some point in the process my client came to the conclusion that she doesn't at all wants to get married. It was very surprising thing for her to discover. She suddenly realized how much afraid she was of the supposed criticism her partner would have concerning her and her life.

I suggested a ‘deal’ according to which she is allowed not to get married for two month. She was terrified lest she would never get married if she would allow herself to feel this way even for two moths, but finally she decided to take the risk.

During those two months our weekly meetings were devoted to subjects like self enjoyment, self love, etc.

These two months were so enjoyable and so relaxing for her, that she decided to continue the ‘deal’ for two more months, after which we both decided that it would be ‘acceptable’ either if she gets married or not.

Only at that point she came to a stage where marriage became a possible option, and not a must, and a burden.

Two weeks later she met someone whom I thought was a very good match for her. They continued their relationship for about three month – her longest relationship ever, after which she chose to put an end to it.

She said that until that man came into her life she never really believed anyone would love, and that now she felt sure of herself, well loved and well worthy, and she was sure to be meeting and marrying a man she would love more.

To sum up:

Supposedly, that young, good looking, successful woman should have had no problem getting married. On the conscious level she wanted very much to do so, but on the unconscious level there were quite a few hindrances. These hindrances became more and more clear during the process.

My client was very much afraid of criticism, and she was sure that she would be much criticized if she would enter a close and intimate relationship.

She was feeling unworthy, and did not really believe that anyone would ever love her. Therefore, whatever she did, she actually did with a lot of effort, but without any inner conviction.

My client was in a very stressful situation, caused by the stress her mother was constantly implying on her to get married. That stress has taken out any fun and happiness there could have been in meeting new people, dating, and getting married, and caused it to feel like a burden.

Due to all these, my client, when she arrived to me, was in a state of constant state of making a lot of useless and unpleasant effort, in order to achieve a goal she (subconsciously) did not even want to achieve.

It took us almost a year until she reached the point when she really loved herself and felt she was worthy.

Once the stress to get married was over, the game of courting became a fun and enjoyable one, and lead to happy results.

For desert, I would like to tell you something my client once told, and which I still cherish to this day.

At some point, at the end of our weekly session, she turned to me and said: "You know, in the beginning I just wanted to get married. After, I realized I preferred to be happy. But now I don't even care if I am happy or sad, as getting to know myself has become so fascinating!"

I wish we could all face the trials in our life with that adventurous spirit of self growth.

How to Heal Anger, Misery, and Self Pitying / Michal Ron

In the Grinberg Method we describe the different aspects of life and character according to the four elements: earth, water, fire, and air.

Fire would be anger, for example.

Water would be the more introvert emotions. For exmple, feeling miserable.

Most of us acknowledge what seems to be the duality in life – good and bad, light and darkness, masculine and feminine, active and passive.

These are no real good and bad, but rather yin and yang – those sides that are considered more positive in a certain society, in a certain time, in a certain place, and their opposites.

Actually, each and every side, the ‘positive’ as well as the ‘negative’, has its own qualities, and we need to own both qualities in order to be whole. We want to be able to be both good and bad, both masculine and feminine, both active and passive. What we strive for is not one side, but temprance, balance, harmony between the two extremities.

Anger would be considered as the ‘negative’ side of fire, while its ‘positive’ side would be love, for example.

Misery would be considered as the ‘negative’ side of water, while its ‘positive’ side would be sensitivity, for example.

The way to ‘overcome’ anger, misery, and self-pitying is not by trying to ‘overcome’ them, but by seeing them for what they are – the ‘negative’ or ‘dark’ side of love and sensitivity. Those who allow themselves to love also get angry at times. Those who use their ability to feel sensitive feel miserable or pity themselves once in a while.

Instead of fighting it we could feel those in our bodies, and let them flow and enrich ourselves. There is no need to express those on the outside, only let ourselves feel how they full-fill our ‘other’, more introvert, half of us, and rejoice in that.

Invitation - Free Introductory Lecture about the Grinberg Method

Invitation

The Grinberg Method

Free Introductory Lecture

Monday, 20th June 2005, 7 pm

San Francisco

Shalom!

You are invited to a very interesting evening about the Grinberg Method.

The Grinberg Method aims to enable us to make changes in our life, which results in fuller and happier life. This is achieved by learning how to pay attention to our bodies and stop automatic patterns that are physical, emotional, and mental.

We will begin with a short introduction of the principal ideas: Ourselves as the cause of chronic symptoms and situations in our life, and our bodies as an always-present intermediate element in this process.

Then we’ll continue to talk about foot analysis, a means by which we can detect life patterns that are caused by past experience, and how these patters appear in our body and in our life.

For desert, we will demonstrate how the Grinberg Method of body work can change those patterns….

We will also have time for question and answers.

If you would like to learn more about the Grinberg Method, see my articles in this blog.

Please R.S.V.P., since we have limited space.

We will be happy to see you Monday, 20th June 2005, 7 pm

Michal Ron (415) 221-5582; (415) 810-5582